why me? why all the time me?
by LixXxa
Summary: Remus decides one Friday night to let Sirius, James and Peter watch a movie. Was this a smart move? PREQUEL TO PHOBIA MANIA!


**Disclaimer: I don't own!**

**Sum**m**ary: Remus decides one Friday night to let Sirius, James and Peter watch a movie. Was this a smart move?**

**A/N PREQUEL to "phobia mania" for my enjoyment.**

"Moooonnyy," James and Padfoot's horrible offtone voices sang throughout their dorm. "We're boooreedd."

"Do your transfiguarion essay you promised McGongagall then," Remus told them without averting his eyes from his book. He sat crosslegged on his bed, attempting to ignore Peter, who was scratching a cat. Trying to, anyway. "You do realise it's due tomorrow?"

"Yeah, but we're bored! It's not even homework; it's just some detention thingy she assigned us just because I put cat litter boxes beside her desk!" Sirius protested. He plopped himself on an empty space of Remus' bed and tried to pry the book out of his hands. "I need some entertainment."

"Yeah," James added, jumping onto Sirius' back.

Sirius winced and tried to get James off his back, who only started giving him a noogie. "Oooh, the PAIN! The AGONY! The HORROR! The-when did Peter get a cat?"

All three residents of the current werewolf's bed turned to stare at the rat animagus. "Have I really been gone from our dorm that long, and not notice that Peter has a WHITE FLUFFY CUDDLY CAT?" James exclaimed. He shook his head, trying to tell himself that Peter wasn't that much of a wuss."I don't know whether it was a good thing or not being Head Boy." Sirius finally managed to get out of James' grasp, but the stag animagus was still sitting on him.

"It's not mine," Peter squeaked, trying to get it under control, "it's Lily's."

James' eyes lit up. "Lemme see that!" He got off of Sirius, but accidentally elbowed Sirius in the back to get up. Tears came to Sirius' eyes as he plopped down flat on the bed, groaning.

"Still bored, Padfoot?" Remus asked, shutting his book away. Sirius manage to nod. "Well, it's not really my fault. If you and James hadn't sent dungbombs in the Common Room, and in the hallways right next to the Common Room, we could have gotten out of here and gone somewhere interesting. Like the library."

Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Puh-lease. I was thinking along the lines of going to the kitchen. What time is it now? I think we've been here for hours."

"It's only seven."

"ONLY SEVEN? It seemed MUCH longer than only half an hour!" Sirius tackled Remus, but the werewolf threw him off with his werewolf strength. Sirius went flying to the ground, but didn't quite make it. You see, he was stopped along the way by Remus' bedpost... "Oooohh...owwwiee...ughh..." he groaned miserably.

Remus burst into laughter as Sirius clutched his groin, wincing in pain. "Don't worry Padfoot," James called out, "Last time that happened, Emily decided to give you a nice massage, right down to the oil backrub." They smirked, James holding onto Lily's cat and stroking it adorably. "Can you believe this? I'm actually holding onto something that LILY touches everyday!"

Ignoring James, an idea popped into Remus' head. "I have an idea! I know what we can do to pass the time!" He jumped up and ran from the room, leaving the other three boys in confusion. Well, one of them didn't care because he was in awful pain.

"If it's reading or doing Minnie's stupid essay, than forget it," Sirius muttered, finally finding the ability to stand up. He walked over to the closed door of the dorm slowly, slightly twitching, but before he could open the door knob, it flung open and Remus burst into the dorm again, carrying something really large. "Ahh!!" WHAM! The door closes from the impact.

"James, lookie here! This is a television, with a built in VCR. I figured that we could watch a movie!" Remus exclaimed. He glanced around. "Where's Padfoot?"

"I'm right here," Sirius mumbled, pushing the door away from his face. His forehead was bright red, and he looked ready to collapse.

"You okay?" Remus asked, not even bothering to listen to the answer.

"Fine. Just peachy." He staggered, seeing stars in the air. Ooh, he thinks he just saw Orion.

"Ok then!" Remus went on cheerfully, ignoring the moans of pain from Sirius. "This is a TV that runs on magic, and it's really old. I found it in one of the broom cupboards."

"Perfect!" James and Peter cried out, gazing at the black box with little black buttons and the slightly grey glass side with awe. "Just what we need! Can we watch a horror film?"

"Sure. Go get some tapes. It's in the cupboard on the second floor." Remus put down the TV, and gave James a look. "And for God's sake, Prongs, PUT DOWN LILY'S CAT."

James jumped, and the white fluffy cat flew out of his arms and onto Sirius' head. The shaggy haired dog animagus was just recovering from the latest door attack, and screeched the cats' claws dug into his flesh. "Get it off me, get it off me!" He ripped the cat off his head, growled at it and threw it back at Peter.

Just as he threw it, James walked to the door of the dorm and swung wide open the door carelessly. WHAM! The door closes from the impact of Sirius' hollow head.

"Duuhh...duh..duuuh..." Sirius drawled, crosseyed. He tried to find his bed, but found that when taking one step forwards, his other foot went backwards.

Remus, who was busy trying spells to clean up the magical TV, looked up at his best friend. "Are you alright, Padfoot?"

"Yeah, me fine. Look! I can see the Big Dipper!" Sirius squealled, but jumped when he felt another sharp pain to the side of his head. WHAM! The door again closes on his own from the impact, and James strolled over to where they set up the TV. "Why do things always happen to me?" Sirius moaned, touching his aching head.

"What does?" James and Peter asked. James continued to shuffle through the box of muggle video tapes.

"Oh nothing. Just don't care about little me," Sirius said, sounding slightly drunk. He managed to stagger his way to Remus' bed, and sit down. "Since when were there two of you?"

"Padfoot forgot his tetanus shot this morning," Remus said in a singsong voice, popping a video tape into the TV VCR. "No, James! That's a remote! Peter, don't touch those wires that are plugged into the huge magical battery. D...! Great."

BOOM! Smoke filled the room as Peter was electrocuted with magic power. "At least he might finally be able to do magic better," James commented, smirking. And THUS, it explains how Peter became powerful enough to join the Death Eaters, his near squib status shooting to someone who can at least perform the killing curse. But that's later, and this is now.

Peter, shaking, finally managed to get his fingers off of the wires. Wide eyed, he turned to Remus pleadingly. His hair was sticking up, his fingers had small white smoke coming from it and his face was ashened. "Moony," he squeaked nervously. Remus sighed, his eyes darting up towards to heavens before casting the cleaning charm on Peter.

"Sirius, come help me pick out a movie," James called out. Sirius jumped off the bed, his injuries now forgotten and dug through the piles of video tapes.

He blankly stared at each one of them. "The pictures aren't moving. I thought you said that movies are when pictures move, Moony!"

Remus sighed. "You put one of these tapes," he explained slowly, "into a VCR. Then it plays on this," he pointed to the screen, "TV screen. Got that? Now pick a movie while I finish setting up." Remus unpacked an antennae from the box and attempted to put it on the TV right.

"Ow, Moony! You hit me with that thing!" James cried out.

"Prongs! You accidentally threw a video tape at my head!" Peter cried out.

"Padfoot, stop moving the antennae," Remus snapped, a bit cranky.

"PRONGS POKED ME IN THE EYE!" Sirius cried, running around the room while flapping his arms out wildly. The other three Marauders watched as he ran right into the wall, and fell to the ground, half unconscious. "Why? Why me? Why all the time me?" he sobbed.

Remus, James and Peter shrugged as they lifted the TV up so it was on Sirius' bed. Then they ran over to the other side of the dorm, accidentally stepping on Sirius who was trying to get up.

"There! Now we can watch the movie!"

Sirius groaned, glaring at his best friends, who looked innocently at him. "What?" James asked, appalled.

"Nevermind," he grumbled, getting up and rubbing a sore bruise.

Everyone sat down in a comfortable position on Remus' bed and attempted to watch a slightly wacked out movie called _Everything that's Gross Can be Turned into Something Scary_. "Weird name, but so far so good," James commented, his eyes darting sometimes to Lily's precious cat.

After a full minute of fidgeting and glares from his friends, Peter sighed. "This isn't the same!" he whined.

"Why not?" Remus asked impatiently.

"There's no food! Especially popcorn! I've been to one of those muggle theatres, and when watching a moo-vie, we eat popcorn!"

Remus sighed, before pausing the movie with the remote. "Fine. Go down to the kitchens, and get some snacks for us, since you're so hungry."

Peter whimpered. "But the dungbombs, and the sm-smell-!"

"Listen, Wormtail. You're in Gryffindor for a reason. If there's anyone brave enough to get past the smell, it's you," James told Peter, putting a hand on the boys' shoulders and giving him a serious look. Peter nodded wimpily, before nodding again and puffing out his chest confidently.

"You're right." He stood up, completely ignoring the fact that his sudden movement on the bed caused Sirius to fall flat faced off onto the floor, and stood tall and proud. "I can do this!" With that, he walked to the door of the dorm (stepping on Sirius' fingers by accident), which was beside Remus' bed, swung it wide open (hitting Sirius on the bum as he was on all fours trying to get up) and walked out. The door closed behind him from the impact it had from Sirius.

James started laughing, clutching his stomach as he fell off the floor and onto Sirius laughing so hard that tears came to his eyes. "That actually worked!" He tearfully got up, and so did Sirius, but the tears and pain from HIS stomach wasn't from laughing.

"Right."

A few minutes later, Peter still hadn't arrived back. They all started to get bored. James started to pet Lily's cat again. "Think about it," he cooed, "when we get married, you're gonna be MY cat too! And then she's gonna be nagging to me to feed you while she breast feeds James Jr..."

"Ugh, Prongs, I did not need to hear that," Remus told him, disgusted by the way the other boy was thinking. Sirius nodded, his eyebrows still twisted in pain still, clutching his groin, his stomach, his head and definitely his poor witty fingers.

James ignored them, and continued to stroke the cat, who meowed merrily. "And think about it. I can teach James Jr to ride a broom! And I'll give him the Marauders' Map, so that he can find all the secret passageways. If it's a girl, which it won't be, I'll let her study in the library. Like her mother. And Remus," he added softly with an afterthought. Remus groaned, before hitting James on the head with his fist lightly. "Hey! Careful with that! Everytime you hit us with your hand, or slap us, we're knocked out," James said harshly.

"The perks with being a werewolf," Remus shot back. Sirius plucked a hair from Lily's cat, who hissed menacingly with its hair sticking up on all ends.

"Padfoot! How DARE you do that to Lily's cat! Don't worry," he murmured affectionately, stroking the white fur. "I'll protect you."

Sirius growled, glaring at James, and instantly morphed into a huge shaggy black dog and started barking. The cat shrieked, scratched James and started to run all around the room.

"Padfoot, stop that!" Remus tried to reprimand. The cat leaped from bed to bed, bedpost to bedpost and bedside to bedside, knocking over dirty clothes left on the floor, pictures on the bedside tables and ripping sheets and pillows. Of course, where the cat went, Padfoot went.

To the right. "That's my POTIONS ESSAY, PADFOOT!" Remus bellowed.

To the left. "Right. Sirius, tell your girlfriend that she's weeing on Peter's bed!"

Up. "Uh, better avoid the glass from the lamps, guys." Down. "And Padfoot, you need new curtains because in case you haven't notice, yours is burning!" Left again. "Oh, and Padfoot? You're in the wee. Er, gross." Remus casted a cleaning charm on the dog quickly before it got everywhere, and then on the sheets itself.

Sirius only managed to paw at the cat's head, who hissed menacingly and leaped up onto the ceiling again, only to fall onto all fours.

"Don't hurt her!" James hollered, trying to save Lily's beloved cat. Sirius had jumped too, but when he fell, he didn't have the grace of all cats and fell on his back. But he was up in a second, barking.

Remus ran after Sirius, and managed to grab him by the tail. Sirius stopped, but tried to break free once the werewolf had a grip on his hind leg too. "Grr...woof woof!" he barked, snarling. Remus growled back.

"Oh no you don't," he muttered, picking the large dog up with his arms as James scooped up the cat. Sirius kicked and thrashed, and licked Remus' all over but to no results. "Bad dog."

The cat meowed dangerously, scratching at James until he let go. It raced out of the room just as the door opened, and Peter entered looking entirely confused. "What happened?"

Remus dropped the dog when he saw that Peter was carrying a load of chocolate, popcorn and butterbeer. "Chocolate," he droolled, snatching all of it away from Peter, who looked was wondering why his sheets were torn apart.

Sirius returned back to his human form, and begged Moony for some chocolate. "Please Remmy? You will be my bestest friend for the rest of all eternity!"

Remus clutched his chocolate and glared at Sirius. "It's a long time, eternity," he said, hiding the chocolate from him. James tried to grab it from him, but Remus growled and the stag animagus found a half clawed through pillow in his face. "Miiine. My precious," he added, glaring daggers at all the occupants of the room. "Of course Wormtail gets some because he got it here for us, er me. Thanks, Pete. Very brave. You must have held your breath a really long time!"

Peter blushed, and James and Sirius just huffed before stuffing their faces of popcorn. "Mmm, s'good. Can we watch the movie now?" Sirius complained. Remus rolled his eyes, before pressing play on the remote. Nothing happened. He pressed it again and again.

"It's not working," Remus said solemnly, careful to hide his chocolate. James frowned. "I don't think there's any batteries left in here, either electrical or magic surged. Prongs, go up to the TV and press the button that has an arrow sign on it, will you?"

James got up, grumbling, and walked over to the other side and started inspecting the black box for buttons carefully. "I don't see it..." He jabbed a button with a plus sign on it with his fingers repeatedly. "Moony, can't find it." He groaned, still jabbing the button and searched to find the button with the arrow. Of course, it was his first time using a TV or a VCR, so he had no idea what the button with the arrow under the subtitle V meant.

Remus shook the remote before seeing a red light appear on it again. "Ooh, Prongs! It's working again! Nevermind!" Without warning, the werewolf pressed PLAY and the TV boomed with sounds and music. James yelped, covering his ears and falling to the floor.

"Turn it off! TURN THE FREAKIN' THING OFF!!"

Remus, Sirius and Peter were too engross in the movie to pay him any attention. James managed to crawl back to the otherside of the dorm room, shaking. It wasn't as loud over here as over there. "Popcorn, Prongs?" Sirius offered cheerfully as they watched a little girl scream as something under the bed grabbed her. James gave him a death glare, but it went unnoticed.

Time passed on, and they were no longer eating, drinking or moving by the time the hour was up. All four Marauders were wide eyed. "That was disgusting," Remus whispered. To either side of him, both Sirius and James were shaking and even Peter was a little white. "Oh come on, guys. It wasn't that bad."

Sirius, wide eyed, only decided to run to his bed and duck under his coveres. Unfortunately, this was where they had put the TV, and his legs and stomach banged rather painfully into the black box, knocking it to the floor. With a loud crash, the television filled the room with white smoke, making electrical sounds and such. "Padfooot..." Remus warned, exasperated. The television erupted in small sparks, before it caught onto the remains of Sirius' bedsheets and caught fire again.

"EEK!"

"Peter get water!"

"Eek!"

"No, use the water charm on it!"

"What is it?"

"I don't know!"

"Eek!"

"What do I do?"

"Run!" James shouted, wishing he were back at his nice, comfy dorm at the Heads' tower.

"I can't, my bed is burning!" Sirius yelled.

"Eek!" Peter screamed again, jumping around frantically as James and Sirius attempted to stomp on the curtains to put it out.

Remus rolled his eyes calmly as the room erupted with screams. "Why did I let you guys watch that movie? Or any movie, really? The ONE time I was stupid, Lord, and you decide to punish me..."

* * *

**A/N I love pickin' on Sirius, and I only feel SLIGHTLY sorry for all the pain I've caused for him. Hehehe. REVIEW if you can please!**


End file.
